Monday, November 22, 2010
Anak Murid Ustaz
USTAZ: minggu depan kita akan belajar tajuk baru...jadi ustaz nak kamu balik rumah nanti... baca ayat 287 surah Al-Baqarah ... sebab ayat ni ada kena mengena dengan tajuk baru kita nanti..
MURID2 : Orait ustaz!
Mingu depannya... Mata pelajaran pendidikan Islam..
USTAZ: Minggu lepas Ustaz Suruh kamu baca Ayat 287 Surah Al-Baqarah kan? saper yang dah baca ayat tu kat rumah?
Ramai Murid2 yang mengangkat tangan..ustaz pun tersenyum... lalu berkata...
USTAZ : Saya tak percaya lah...
MURID2 : Betul ustaz...kami baca..
USTAZ : cuba kamu bukak Al-Quran..Surah AL-Baqarah ada 286 ayat jer... mana ada ayat 287..
harini kita akan belajar tajuk baru... dosa-dosa menipu ...
MURID2 : alamak... kantoi kita..
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Boss berkata kepada Secretary : Kita akan outstation selama seminggu, jadi aturkan segalanya.
Secretary menelefon Suaminya : Untuk seminggu boss saya dan saya akan outstation, awak pandai2 jaga diri nanti…
Suami menelefon Buah Hatinya : Isteri saya akan outstation selama seminggu, jadi mari kita habiskan masa bersama-sama….
Buah Hati menelefon Murid tuisyennya : Saya kene bekerja selama seminggu, jadi awak tak perlu datang untuk tuisyen…
Murid tuisyen tersebut menelefon Atuknya : Atuk, untuk seminggu saya takde kelas sebab cikgu saya sibuk. Mari kita habiskan masa bersama…
Atuk (Boss) menelefon Secretary : Minggu ni saya nak abiskan masa bersama cucu saya.. Batalkan outstation tuh…
Secretary menelefon Suaminya : Minggu ni boss saya ade kerja, kami dah membatalkan outstation tu…
Suami menelefon Buah Hatinya : Kita tak dapat nak habiskan masa bersama untuk minggu ni, isteri saya dah membatalkan outstationnya. .
Buah Hati menelefon Murid Tuisyennya : Minggu ni kelas tuisyen mcm biase.
Murid Tuisyen menelefon Atuknya : Atuk, cikgu saya cakap minggu ni saya kene pergi kelas tuisyen. Sori, saya tak bleh temankan atuk.
Atuk(Boss) menelefon Secretary : Jangan risau, minggu ni kita outstation. Jadi uruskan semuanya..
Dan begitulah seterusnya.Bila Binatang Update Status Facebook
Nyamuk : Baru habis ronda rumah Ajoi… kenyang burp, Alhamdulillah…
Aedes: Baru jer selamat bagi injekan maut, yeah!!!
Ayam: Tidaaaaaaaaaaaak, Besok majikan gua mau buat kenduri kesyukuran, gua mau di sembeliiiiihhh!…
Cicak : isteriku tersepit pintu
Kucing Betina: “Anak i yang ke-5 baru tanya siapa bapaknya. I bingung nak jawab apa. I sendiri lupa bapaknya siapa.”
Ayam : Kawan2…kalu esok guwe tak update…bererti guwe udah di goreng….I luv u all… jangan luper wat kenduri arwah untuk I yaa…
Nyamuk: Siot, sekali drug addict gua hantam. Gua positif HIV AIDS… uwaaaaaaa
Cicak : Mau ke ke bilik air anak tuan rumah jap … baru beli videocam baru …
Kucing: Baru je add awek sebelah umah… keturunan PARSI beb!!!
Tikus: Operasi malam ni… selongkar kitchen kabinet… sape nak ikot?
18SX Jokes
Question: Why is sperm donation more expensive rather than blood donation?
Answer: Because it’s HANDMADE!!
Man No 1 : “My wife is obsessed with cars. While asleep, she holds my dick & said ‘first gear, 2nd gear….”
Man No 2 : “My wife is worse! She puts my dick inside her & said “Full tank please.”
Question : What is the closest thing that is similar to a woman’s period?
Answer : Your SALARY! It comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days & if it doesn’t come, you’re in big trouble!
A woman gave birth to 6 babies. On seeing this she got off the hospitalbed, slapped her husband & shouted, “I told you not to do it doggy style!”
A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in abank.The teller says, “Sorry, madam, this note is a fake.”"Oh no!”exclaimed the prostitute, “I have been RAPED!”
“Your secretary publicly said you have a small dick, what would you comment on this?”"The truth is = she has a big mouth!”
What’s the difference between biology and sociology?When the baby looks likehis mom or dad = it’s biology. When he looks like the neighbour, = itis sociology.
What do u call the useless piece of flesh attached to the dick ? = The MAN.
Why is breast milk good for health?Because it is great for bloodcirculation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers.
Why was the two-piece bikini invented?To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
A mother was scolding the daughter, “I don’t like the guy you are goingout with. He is too dumb.”"No, Mama,” she said, “He is going to be adoctor. See, he has already cured me of that illness that I used tohave every month!”